5 Things I Learned From My Past Relationships

The months after a relationship is over, are such amazing times to sit back and reminisce on the good times, the not so great times but most importantly the lessons that the relationship thought you. Here are 5 things I learned from my past relationships:

1. Boundaries and alone time.

Setting boundaries at the beginning of a relationship is so important as that marks a ‘line’ you do not want the other person to cross and vise versa. Having alone time is also very important because you need to be able to still do things you love, alone. Being with someone and being able to spend so much time with them is great, but what happens when the relationship ends and you’ve lost sight of who you were before the relationship and what you loved to do? Being able to spend time alone while in a relationship, creates a closer bond as you and your partner can continue to do what you love on your own time and also enjoy sharing that with each other. 

2. Realize that not having enough time is an excuse.

When someone tells you they don’t have time to see you, text you, or call you is an excuse. There’s been plenty of times when I myself have told someone I had no time text or call them because I was busy, but in reality I didn’t want to text or call. If you think about it, a message with a quick “thinking of you,”I miss you,” or “I love you” only takes about 10 seconds. To say you have no time is an excuse. If you are not important enough for that person to make some time for you, why should you make time for them?

3. Constant name calling is a form of abuse and a sign that the relationship is not a healthy one.

When the word abuse comes to mind, a lot of people immediately think of physical abuse - and to be honest that's just one type. There's also emotional and verbal and you don’t need to have physical abuse present in order for a relationship to be abusive. Name calling and disrespect to your partners feelings is a type of abuse. Being in a relationship of any kind, mutual respect is just as important as honesty. Without respect for one another, is there actually a healthy relationship or are we building a path to an unhappy and abusive relationship? My past partner was a big name caller and whenever I expressed to him how much the things he would say to me affected me and hurt me, he would call me weak and insecure and would say I’m overreacting.  You're neither weak, insecure nor are you overreacting. No one person should have the power to tell you your feelings are invalid and that you’re worthless. This is a sign for you to leave.

4. Second chances are not a good idea especially in a relationship.

I’m going to contradict myself here with my comment above as I am a firm believer in second chances; however in relationships, an ex should always remain an ex. I’ve had my fair tries of giving an ex a second or even a third chance. Sometimes I’d tell myself the time wasn’t right the first time around or we both were immature but after failed relationships, it became clear that if things didn’t work out the first time around, you and that person are better off as exes. 

5. An ex can be a friend.

Outgrowing each other romantically shouldn't mean leaving the friendship behind. I think that a friendship is possible as long as you two respect each other's boundaries, and are mature enough to know remaining friends isn't a sign for a second attempt at the relationship. Sometimes people come into your life to remain in your life forever.

What are some lessons your past relationships have thought you?